Write Hard and Clear About What Hurts

Ernest Hemingway stated that when writing, one should “write hard and clear about what hurts.” This got me thinking about this past year and all the issues I had in getting to this very point. Previously to writing this, I cried for a good two hours and invited some close friends to my pity party, which they attended (I have amazing friends, just putting it out there).

This past year, I found myself fresh out of university after studying for four years in a job that I hated, mainly because of the people I was under. Nonetheless, I left that profession completely and am now doing something that I love and wouldn’t trade the world for. Within the time that I was working at the ‘horrible job’, my car was broken into and my laptop, which had everything on it, was stolen out of my boot. I was beside myself. All my photos, my work, but most importantly, my memories were gone. I had to come to terms with my loss, even though in hindsight, it is considered a ‘small loss’. I had to let it all go and focus on creating new memories and on the present. After that, I was nearly robbed in the middle of a shopping mall! Thankfully, the gay guy who was passing by was more of a drama queen than I was. He caused the greatest scene that I think I have ever witnessed. Looking back, I should have opened a packet of chips and sat on the floor watching all of this unfold in front of me.

In between all of the above, I had some douche bag mess me around. Cliché problem right? Any who, I ended things in the best way that I could with him – by not saying anything and letting him figure out that I was done with all his games. I deleted his number, blocked him and essentially erased him from my life. It has been nearly two months now and I still find myself thinking about him, not as much as I used to, but still a considerable amount. While, on the other hand, he couldn’t care about what I am going through. At this point, I would like to state that guys have FAR too many options! Statistically, there are more females than males on this earth; this backs my statement.

Now, I pose the question, “am I a horrible person”? What a strange question to ask, but there is logic behind it, hear me out. Horrible things happen to horrible people right? That is my logic, and having stated that, I am a horrible person! According to my friends who sipped on their wine at my party, I am not a horrible person and that sometimes horrible things happen to good people. Sometimes we have to be tested so we can learn, grow and become stronger people. Ok, fine, I can accept that, but hells, I am SO tired of that! I am so tired of learning, of growing, of being tested and becoming stronger. Like can I not live a normal life? Can I just have a moment to enjoy what I do have, which is a lot. I am a strong believer in karma, and have discovered that there are in fact two types of karma: fear-based karma and love-based karma. Fear-based karma is centered around the belief that what you sow, you reap. This type of karma is the consequences, both good and bad, that are presented to you based on your actions. Love-based karma is a gift that brings you life lessons for your soul. This karma grows your being and your spirit. This karma will continue to be presented to you in many other manners until you have learnt the lesson that was meant to be learnt. I believe that I have encountered both types of karma this year, and will definitely continue to encounter them as I grow as a person.

Looking back at this past year, I can honestly say that it has been a trying year and that I have undoubtedly grown holistically. I have encountered some things that I never wish to come across again, but should I ever have a similar situation in the future, I know that I am better equipped to handle whatever life brings me. Have I written hard and clear about what hurts? Have I expressed all that I can? Probably not entirely, but I guess this is one of the main reasons that I have started this whole ‘blogging thing’. Now is the time to try something new, to start something and just run with it, let it grow and become what you want it to be. Rather we live while we are young, wild and free.